No. 12 Peartree Pantry and Pup troubles!

Finally, we tried out a new tea room. It’s been so long since we went anywhere new that even Sister Y forgot to take a photo of our cakes – clearly we are out of practice!

Anyway, this week we went along to the Peartree Pantry on the outskirts of Hatfield Peverel and Witham. It’s one we’ve been meaning to try for a while and we were glad we did – what a lovely place, enhanced further by the extremely warm welcome from the lady owner. She made a big fuss of the teeny tot, giving her colouring and crayons, showed us to a table and gave us all the daily specials. I had chocolate brownie which was delicious, warm and rich, Sister X had her fave – ginger and cinnamon cake – and Sister Y had lemon drizzle. Unfortunately, they both said that they weren’t really lemony or gingery enough. It was more expensive than other local cafes – £6.45 for a pot of tea and cake – but it was big (plenty of room for buggies if needed), comfortable – tables interspersed with sofas and snug areas, spotlessly clean and the friendliness of the staff left a lasting impression. There is also lots of parking at the rear and, something that may be of interest to Husband X on his travels:

Chuckle, chuckle . . .

So, on to the issues facing the Sisterhood this week: Sister X has a dog problem. I’ve been there so totally feel her pain. Her neighbour has acquired a dreaded yapper – a small, barky dog – which interrupts her constantly throughout the day when she is trying to nap … I mean work!! No, seriously, she only took one nap, once – just the one time – and was unfortunate enough to get caught in the act by Husband X home early from work. She really does work very hard, honestly. Sister Y and I very sensibly and maturely advised her to put a note through the door and run . . . no, of course we didn’t really! I pointed out that, if the neighbours are not there when the dog is barking, they probably don’t realise it’s doing it, so the best and first course of action is to knock and play the concerned neighbour – informative; understanding; supportive. ‘You trap more flies with honey’ as my old mum would say. If that doesn’t work then by all means go bad ass on them – and by bad ass, I mean telephone the council in a very grown up manner and request a noise disturbance form. Or, get a laser pen and wind the dog up with it in the middle of the night so that they get an idea of how annoying it is. Really, what a childish suggestion – I’d never do that.

Sister Y is still waiting to hear about the job. She’s not holding out much hope as her boss can’t seem to remember her name – but she does keep complimenting her choice of footwear . . . I have no idea how that translates in terms of career progression prospects!

Until next time, cake lovers x

No. 12 – owls, dead ducklings and a delectable tart!

We tried out a new tea room this week in Terling, a beautiful little village that we used to frequent fairly regularly when we had a mutual friend that lived there. However, aside from walking from car to her front door and getting lost (as if) when I took the kids on a ‘magical-mystery-house-hunting-jaunt’ one day and having to ask a postman for directions, I had never explored further. The Owl’s Hill Tea Room is handily located on Owl’s Hill Road so easy peasy for us three navigationally challenged ladies to find. Having said that, we had agreed to meet at the Village Hall but Sister’s X and Y went rogue and located the tea room independently, leaving me and the littlest sister of the hood sitting on a bench by the village hall wondering where on earth they had got to! After 10 minutes and thinking that surely both of them couldn’t be late/lost we wandered round to the café to find them already in situ with high chair installed ready for us …. we did chuckle about it …. after, I confess, an initial grumble on my part …. think the cake withdrawal panic had set in! There is some sort of green space or nature reserve next to the Village Hall which looked like a lovely place to walk and fairly buggyable from brief inspection but it was too cold and a bit drizzly to walk for pleasure this time.

Owl’s Hill is a really lovely, ‘bijou’ tea room – I think only 6 tables or so – with easy access for the buggy and, obviously, a parking area outside so no real need to take the buggy in anyway. A very posh, very clean, portable high chair (the kind that strap on to an existing chair) was available and a lovely selection of cakes. Myself and Sister Y both had a Chocolate Coconut Tart which was sooo delicious and rich I think we probably should have gone for a walk to shake off some calories. Sister X indulged in a little cream tea (she opted for Camomile which she says paired very nicely with her scone) – all served on very beautiful china which was kept well out of the reach of the teeny tot! £4.75 for my tart and a pot of ‘proper’ tea – with leaves and a strainer and everything – we can’t wait to return and sample more of their wares.

Discussion turned to mine and Sister Y’s Easter holiday meet up which Sister X couldn’t make as she was tending her children who had been afflicted by the pox! We went to one of our old haunts – a big duck pond which the children all love. There is a little wooded area with a fallen tree to climb which is always shady and damp but which they like to play in. We have concurred that they are of an age where they can be trusted in there alone, mainly so that we can sit in the sunshine and not get chilled (we are getting on a bit!). Anyway, when they emerged, there was much talk of a dead duckling. Apparently my eldest had desperately wanted to perform some kind of burial service but the others had outvoted her, preferring to poke at it with sticks – as you do. It also transpired that my revolting second daughter had purposely trodden on the poor, deceased creature. I was actually quite mortified that she had done so and she was duly advised of the necessity to treat all animals, dead or alive, with the same respect and compassion. We assumed that was the end of it. However, the following day, when Sister Y’s husband was performing childcare duties, he noticed a big white streak of something covering their eldest’s coat. When asked about it, Husband Y was informed that it had sprayed onto his coat when the offspring belonging to me had ‘stamped on the dead duck’. Delightful. Husband Y responded, quite rightly, that it was disgusting. He replied, ‘That’s nothing, it went all up her leggings!’ I hang my head in shame …

Until next time, cake lovers xx

No. 11 – The Barn at Stanway

Well, we all made it this week – yay – so off to a good start. The Barn is a garden centre and cafe located on Turkey Cock Lane in Stanway (and yes, we all had a predictably juvenile reaction to the name). How could we not pay a visit? Sister X was particularly keen – always had my suspicions about that one! It’s actually a really nice garden centre with loads of lovely ‘things’ for sale. You know the type of ‘things’ – all that beautiful vintage-look stuff that you know would never look quite right unless you owned a stunning Georgian house or Victorian cottage with a quaint country garden. The rustic crates and shabby chic milk churns certainly wouldn’t have the same wow factor in a 60’s semi!

Anyway, the tea room is big with lots of tables but still feels quite cosy. I had no trouble locating a high chair and there was space for the buggy, although I did have to tuck it out of the way by the door or there wouldn’t have been room for people to walk past. The toilets are also very nice and clean with decent baby-change facilities.

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The cakes looked amazing on the counter under big glass kloshes – I went for chocolate, Sister Y had lemon and Sister X had ginger again (she’s not pregnant, really, she just likes ginger cake!). Sister Y and I both agreed that there was way too much butter icing on ours – nice cake but too sickly. Sister X said hers was more gingery than The Woodlands offering last week but not as sticky so she couldn’t quite decide between the two. £5.75 for tea and cake so on the expensive side but I did get 3 (small) cups out of the pot. I think we will be heading back there at some point. In fact, Sister Y already has been – she took Husband Y in an attempt to convince him that they did actually need lots of lovely vintage-looking tat for their garden (don’t think he came up for it though … ).

No. 10 – Tiptree Heath, Woodlands Tea Rooms and World Book Day!

Poor old Sister Y was stymied yet again this week by another child shaped vomiting bug – what are they putting in the water in North Essex?! So it was just Sister X and myself who met on a bit of a dubious weather day for a stomp around Tiptree Heath. We practically had the place to ourselves and, luckily, did not encounter the evil pony that tried to ‘kill’ myself, Sister Y and our offspring last time we were there (slight exaggeration but it did charge at us and the children do like to dramatize things!). I think the ponies are possibly only in residence from April so a bit early in the year to see them roaming free which is actually a lovely sight to behold. If you do take a buggy on the heath, especially in inclement weather, make sure it’s of the sturdy variety – I took my old, beaten up Baby Jogger which I was very thankful for over the bumpy, uneven, muddy paths.

We had lovely walk, discussing the merits of World Book Day and airing our grievances at the parents who basically can’t be bothered to make any effort and just order an outfit from Amazon and then moan about the cost! Jeez, people, it’s not hard or expensive if you put a little time and effort in – and it really can be minimal effort, let’s face it. Send them in pyjamas as one of the kids from The Midnight Gang; put your daughter in a dress and give her a book to carry – Matilda. It really does not require the buying of some mass produced nylon costume for £20 on Prime. Rant over, let’s move on to the cake . . .

The Woodlands Tea Room (or it may possibly be Forget Me Not Tea Rooms now – the sign says the former, the menu says the latter and I forgot to confirm with the ladies behind the counter) is attached to Tom’s Farm Shop on the B1022 between Great Totham and Tiptree Heath. It is a lovely, homey, bright space and the staff are quite friendly and accommodating. I didn’t need the buggy as we had to drive from the heath – it’s just short of a mile along the main road – but there would be plenty of room for one if needed. They had highchairs and even provide a little paper bib which was a nice touch.

WP_20190307_11_23_38_Pro — Another ‘half way through’ photo!

I had lemon drizzle and Sister X went for the ginger cake. Mine was really yummy and my discerning companion also enjoyed hers – not enormous slices but plenty considering I’m supposed to be watching the old waistline. We also rather liked that the milk was served in mini churns – cute! £3 for the cake and £1.50 for a pot of tea so pretty reasonable. We will definitely return with our third member – she’s much better at photographing the goods!

No. 8 – Perrywoods and Christmas Cheer!

Twas just myself and Sister X this week as Sister Y’s youngest had received a visit from ‘The Chunder Monster’ so she was housebound, clearing up vomit and watching daytime tv – ah, the joys of motherhood! Another chilly, damp day so we decided to go to Perrywoods Garden Centre, just outside Tiptree, for a squiz at their Christmas decorations (they have some beautiful things) and to try their cakes as I have recently been told that they are pretty delicious.

We were slightly perturbed by the enormous queue heading into the tea room but quickly realised that they were all after ‘proper’ food and that there is a separate counter for cakes, which was a bonus as there was nobody waiting at it. We were practically drooling at the sight of the delicious looking cakes that awaited us but looked at each other in horror when we saw the price – £5.29!! For a slice of cake. Seriously?! We decided there must have been gold leaf in it to warrant that price tag. Luckily, there were lots of other yummy offerings at far more sensible prices. I had a Christmas Tree Brownie and Sister X went for a Gingerbread Scone, which she said was incredibly nice. Mine was also scrumptious and very pretty to boot. £4.75 with a cup of tea …. think they might possibly be a threat to the Wilkin & Sons ‘best cake’ crown!

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The tea room is huge, plenty of space for the buggy and loads of tables. It is set out in several sections though, so it still feels quite cosy. The staff were lovely – a very nice lady carried my tray for me and, when I went to sit at a table for two, she kindly suggested that I choose a bigger table so that we would have more room and then scooted off to get a high chair for us.

We were building up to our Christmas plays at school this week and so had been frantically making or throwing together shepherd/donkey/sheep/camel costumes for our little ones to look super cute in. It’s such a shame that so many parents just go online and order some generic costume these days. I know people are busy and pressed for time but the homemade outfits are so much more special and full of character. One of our school mums got a white chenille bath mat and cut a hole in the middle for her son’s head – voila! sheep outfit – how clever! And I do love to see a child wearing their dad’s old shirt with a tea towel on their head, it just kicks the festive season off for me! Merry Christmas, cake lovers xx

No. 3 – A lonesome swan and a delinquent dog!

This week we went to a favourite haunt of Sister X and her clan – Paper Mill Lock. We all managed to find it (it is very easy!) and all arrived early to boot. What a beautiful place – can’t believe Sister X has never insisted we go before. There is a small car park at the tea rooms and, if there is no space, they have an overspill one next door. The toilets are outside so that is very handy if you’re intending to park, walk and then eat cake – or not eat cake at all, I suppose, but then you shouldn’t really be parking in the tea room car park – tsk tsk!! We set off on a slow stroll along the canal, in the direction of Chelmsford. Apparently you can walk all the way to Chelmer Village (where the posh people come from, so I’ve heard, sshhh) and the other direction would eventually bring you out at Heybridge Basin! *this info is all courtesy of Sister X – read into that what you will …!!

We walked at a leisurely pace for about 3/4 of a mile, chaperoned by one lonely looking swan. Beautiful as they are, we of the Sisterhood have experienced first hand their dark side – we used to feed the ducks with the children at the same pond most weeks and they were sometimes in residence, getting out of the pond and a bit too close for comfort when they were hungry – actually hissing and sort of growling – eeek!! Quite unnerving when their reputation for arm-breaking precedes them. Anyway, realising that however far we walked, we’d have to walk the same distance back, we decided that our tummies would be about ready for cake in about 10/15 minutes and so decided to head back (we really must work on the fitness side of our regime).

The tables outside the tea room were mostly empty but still damp and, as we didn’t want soggy bottoms, we chose to sit indoors – although there is also an undercover outside area as well. It is quite small inside, only 6 or 8 tables from memory, but it wasn’t busy and we were the only people with a buggy so it was fine. I have to say that the staff could be accused of lacking enthusiasm – and that would be being kind! The hairy being that served us gave the impression that serving tea and cake was pretty much the dullest thing he could be doing at given time. There were, however, lots of delicious looking cakes to choose from. I went with the Lemon, Sister Y had a very Hallowe’eny-looking Chocolate Orange Cake and Sister X went for a good old Coffee & Walnut. £4 for a cup of tea and a piece of cake so not too bad but I can’t say it was the best cake unfortunately (maybe this is why Sister X has never suggested we go before, as I am now running down her favourite place – sorry Sister, please forgive me!) It was a bit too heavy on the icing and sickly sweet – although I did still manage to eat it all! Oh, and the table was sticky too (sorry, sorry).

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On the plus side, the other patrons of the tea rooms were very friendly and pleasant. As we were discussing baby names with an older gentleman – who had a severe aversion to the name Wayne for some reason – a little dog trotted in looking rather pleased with himself. The lady at the table behind us immediately jumped up looking slightly flustered and claimed him as hers. Apparently, she had left him having a run around in the field up the road – ?!? – where he ‘usually stayed for hours’ and had nipped down for a cheeky coffee. Okay. For some reason, it transpired that she did not have his lead and was asking Mr Lacklustre behind the counter if he had some rope as a temporary measure. I had the teeny tot balancing on the (sticky) table edge and was blocking Sister X in but Sister Y had two free hands, so I volunteered her dog-holding services whilst the lady went to her car to get the lead. Sister Y was more than happy to help and gladly took the dog’s collar. It was only then that the lady explained that he may get a bit frisky should he see another dog. She began to remove something from her pocket to give to Sister Y. Something brown inside a doggy-poo bag. The smile on Sister’s face began to slowly fade as she thought the lady was for some reason handing her a bag of dog poo!! It turned out to be dog treats – phew – to distract the hound with should another dog walk past. Sister Y exhaled in a very relieved manner as Sister X and I stifled chuckles. The lady returned, lead in hand and, having done our good deed for the day, we decided it was time to head home on a sugar high!

In summary then, we would definitely return to the Lock – such a beautiful place for walking or just sitting and enjoying the surroundings – but perhaps forgo the cake and just opt for a cuppa! Next week – Abberton Reservoir …..

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The first one: cakes, coffee and cycling catastrophe!

Hello! Thanks for checking us out and welcome to The Sisterhood of the Long Boobs – a name too good not to use, taken from an comment made by one of our wonderful children who never fail to make us laugh (and sometimes cry) with their delightfully innocent and entirely tactless childhood observations! There are three of us of the Long-boobed variety – Sister X, Sister Y and myself, the scribe, Sister Evangeline (because ‘Z’ would have been too predictable and, let’s face it, if you’re picking a name – and have watched The Princess and the Frog several hundred times – Evangeline is a pretty kick-ass one!!!).

With three of our youngest offspring recently despatched into the Education system we decided what better excuse to keep meeting every week (not that we really needed an excuse – we do actually enjoy each other’s company … I think!) than to give ourselves the challenge of hunting down good cake! So, whilst many of our other school mum friends were enthusiastically donning those strangely patterned lycra? trousers and meeting on the playground for group running sessions (shudder!) we thought we would take the more leisurely and less sweaty approach to maintaining some vague level of fitness. The hope is that the one remaining teeny (mine) will sit contentedly cooing in her buggy whilst we take in the tea rooms of semi-rural Essex!

For our first outing we decided to head to Heybridge Basin and The Lock Tea Room, owned by Wilkin & Sons (them of the Tiptree Jam fame). So here goes …..

Twas a glorious day, the sun was shining and the sky was blue. The tide was out and so the boats laid bare and gleaming on the river bed as we wandered along the bank towards Goldhanger, chewing the fat and bemoaning the highly inconvenient and unnecessarily awkward settling in session times Sister Y’s youngest’s school had imposed upon the new intake. In truth, we didn’t walk too far (no need to go hell for leather and wear ourselves out on the first excursion) – just to the Blackwater Sailing Club and back to the tea rooms.

It was such a beautiful day that all the outdoor tables were taken so we had to sit inside. No sooner had our bottoms touched the seats and our minds began to mull over what yummy treats we might partake of than Sister X’s phone rang. Now, Sister X is a refreshing rarity of our mobile obsessed times. I have no idea what make of phone she has as I don’t think I’ve ever actually seen it in her hand, so for it to ring and for her to answer it was quite an event! After an initial, concerned; ‘Oh no! What’s happened?’ her end of the conversation went more along the lines of, ‘hmmm …. right ….. well I’ve just ordered coffee so I’ll be a while.’ (tiny white lie). It turned out that Husband X had gone out for a bike ride that same morning, sans money and puncture repair kit and, you guessed it, had a puncture! The real kicker was that he had actually made it as far as the local bus station on his little expedition and so, had the silly sausage had a couple of quid in his pocket, he would have been able to get himself and his busted mount home! Sister X’s sympathy obliterated, she left him with the instructions to sit and enjoy the sun – it was a beautiful day after all – and she would be there just as soon as she could gobble her coffee and cake (that she hadn’t ordered yet!!)

And so, crisis averted, we were able to sit and enjoy the delights The Lock had to offer, namely chocolate cake, a rather shockingly bright red velvet cake and almond tart! Of course, conversation turned to the disorganised-ness (I know, not a word!) of husband X and how he may be suffering from separation anxiety following a family holiday and subconsciously have taken to the streets ill-prepared on purpose, knowing that he may require the assistance of his beloved wife …. Okay, so Sister X might be in her second year studying for a diploma in Psychotherapy …. The conversation culminated in my fabulous and naturally very witty idea of buying him one of those little bike purse/pouch things that strap to the crossbar – in which one may choose to keep, say, some spare change and a small puncture repair kit- for Christmas!

Apologies, I have digressed rather shockingly from the purpose of the blog! The cake was very delicious. The venue was, I would say, semi buggy friendly in that, on a quiet day there would be no problem manoeuvring around the tables and finding somewhere to park but, on a colder, rainy day when more of the tables would undoubtedly be occupied, it might be a struggle and some furniture rearranging may have to take place – with more than one buggy it could result in calamity! The outdoor space is lovely on a fair weather day – if you are lucky enough to get a table. It isn’t the cheapest of places – my cake alone was £3.95 – but they are yummy scrum and it was a reasonably large slice. The staff were polite and quite smiley – not super friendly, engaging customers in conversation types but not unfriendly either. All in all we will return, of that I can be fairly certain! So, it’s a ‘yes’ from the Sisterhood …. Until next time xxx

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