No. 12 Peartree Pantry and Pup troubles!

Finally, we tried out a new tea room. It’s been so long since we went anywhere new that even Sister Y forgot to take a photo of our cakes – clearly we are out of practice!

Anyway, this week we went along to the Peartree Pantry on the outskirts of Hatfield Peverel and Witham. It’s one we’ve been meaning to try for a while and we were glad we did – what a lovely place, enhanced further by the extremely warm welcome from the lady owner. She made a big fuss of the teeny tot, giving her colouring and crayons, showed us to a table and gave us all the daily specials. I had chocolate brownie which was delicious, warm and rich, Sister X had her fave – ginger and cinnamon cake – and Sister Y had lemon drizzle. Unfortunately, they both said that they weren’t really lemony or gingery enough. It was more expensive than other local cafes – £6.45 for a pot of tea and cake – but it was big (plenty of room for buggies if needed), comfortable – tables interspersed with sofas and snug areas, spotlessly clean and the friendliness of the staff left a lasting impression. There is also lots of parking at the rear and, something that may be of interest to Husband X on his travels:

Chuckle, chuckle . . .

So, on to the issues facing the Sisterhood this week: Sister X has a dog problem. I’ve been there so totally feel her pain. Her neighbour has acquired a dreaded yapper – a small, barky dog – which interrupts her constantly throughout the day when she is trying to nap … I mean work!! No, seriously, she only took one nap, once – just the one time – and was unfortunate enough to get caught in the act by Husband X home early from work. She really does work very hard, honestly. Sister Y and I very sensibly and maturely advised her to put a note through the door and run . . . no, of course we didn’t really! I pointed out that, if the neighbours are not there when the dog is barking, they probably don’t realise it’s doing it, so the best and first course of action is to knock and play the concerned neighbour – informative; understanding; supportive. ‘You trap more flies with honey’ as my old mum would say. If that doesn’t work then by all means go bad ass on them – and by bad ass, I mean telephone the council in a very grown up manner and request a noise disturbance form. Or, get a laser pen and wind the dog up with it in the middle of the night so that they get an idea of how annoying it is. Really, what a childish suggestion – I’d never do that.

Sister Y is still waiting to hear about the job. She’s not holding out much hope as her boss can’t seem to remember her name – but she does keep complimenting her choice of footwear . . . I have no idea how that translates in terms of career progression prospects!

Until next time, cake lovers x

No. 12 – owls, dead ducklings and a delectable tart!

We tried out a new tea room this week in Terling, a beautiful little village that we used to frequent fairly regularly when we had a mutual friend that lived there. However, aside from walking from car to her front door and getting lost (as if) when I took the kids on a ‘magical-mystery-house-hunting-jaunt’ one day and having to ask a postman for directions, I had never explored further. The Owl’s Hill Tea Room is handily located on Owl’s Hill Road so easy peasy for us three navigationally challenged ladies to find. Having said that, we had agreed to meet at the Village Hall but Sister’s X and Y went rogue and located the tea room independently, leaving me and the littlest sister of the hood sitting on a bench by the village hall wondering where on earth they had got to! After 10 minutes and thinking that surely both of them couldn’t be late/lost we wandered round to the café to find them already in situ with high chair installed ready for us …. we did chuckle about it …. after, I confess, an initial grumble on my part …. think the cake withdrawal panic had set in! There is some sort of green space or nature reserve next to the Village Hall which looked like a lovely place to walk and fairly buggyable from brief inspection but it was too cold and a bit drizzly to walk for pleasure this time.

Owl’s Hill is a really lovely, ‘bijou’ tea room – I think only 6 tables or so – with easy access for the buggy and, obviously, a parking area outside so no real need to take the buggy in anyway. A very posh, very clean, portable high chair (the kind that strap on to an existing chair) was available and a lovely selection of cakes. Myself and Sister Y both had a Chocolate Coconut Tart which was sooo delicious and rich I think we probably should have gone for a walk to shake off some calories. Sister X indulged in a little cream tea (she opted for Camomile which she says paired very nicely with her scone) – all served on very beautiful china which was kept well out of the reach of the teeny tot! £4.75 for my tart and a pot of ‘proper’ tea – with leaves and a strainer and everything – we can’t wait to return and sample more of their wares.

Discussion turned to mine and Sister Y’s Easter holiday meet up which Sister X couldn’t make as she was tending her children who had been afflicted by the pox! We went to one of our old haunts – a big duck pond which the children all love. There is a little wooded area with a fallen tree to climb which is always shady and damp but which they like to play in. We have concurred that they are of an age where they can be trusted in there alone, mainly so that we can sit in the sunshine and not get chilled (we are getting on a bit!). Anyway, when they emerged, there was much talk of a dead duckling. Apparently my eldest had desperately wanted to perform some kind of burial service but the others had outvoted her, preferring to poke at it with sticks – as you do. It also transpired that my revolting second daughter had purposely trodden on the poor, deceased creature. I was actually quite mortified that she had done so and she was duly advised of the necessity to treat all animals, dead or alive, with the same respect and compassion. We assumed that was the end of it. However, the following day, when Sister Y’s husband was performing childcare duties, he noticed a big white streak of something covering their eldest’s coat. When asked about it, Husband Y was informed that it had sprayed onto his coat when the offspring belonging to me had ‘stamped on the dead duck’. Delightful. Husband Y responded, quite rightly, that it was disgusting. He replied, ‘That’s nothing, it went all up her leggings!’ I hang my head in shame …

Until next time, cake lovers xx

No. 11 – The Barn at Stanway

Well, we all made it this week – yay – so off to a good start. The Barn is a garden centre and cafe located on Turkey Cock Lane in Stanway (and yes, we all had a predictably juvenile reaction to the name). How could we not pay a visit? Sister X was particularly keen – always had my suspicions about that one! It’s actually a really nice garden centre with loads of lovely ‘things’ for sale. You know the type of ‘things’ – all that beautiful vintage-look stuff that you know would never look quite right unless you owned a stunning Georgian house or Victorian cottage with a quaint country garden. The rustic crates and shabby chic milk churns certainly wouldn’t have the same wow factor in a 60’s semi!

Anyway, the tea room is big with lots of tables but still feels quite cosy. I had no trouble locating a high chair and there was space for the buggy, although I did have to tuck it out of the way by the door or there wouldn’t have been room for people to walk past. The toilets are also very nice and clean with decent baby-change facilities.

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The cakes looked amazing on the counter under big glass kloshes – I went for chocolate, Sister Y had lemon and Sister X had ginger again (she’s not pregnant, really, she just likes ginger cake!). Sister Y and I both agreed that there was way too much butter icing on ours – nice cake but too sickly. Sister X said hers was more gingery than The Woodlands offering last week but not as sticky so she couldn’t quite decide between the two. £5.75 for tea and cake so on the expensive side but I did get 3 (small) cups out of the pot. I think we will be heading back there at some point. In fact, Sister Y already has been – she took Husband Y in an attempt to convince him that they did actually need lots of lovely vintage-looking tat for their garden (don’t think he came up for it though … ).

No. 10 – Tiptree Heath, Woodlands Tea Rooms and World Book Day!

Poor old Sister Y was stymied yet again this week by another child shaped vomiting bug – what are they putting in the water in North Essex?! So it was just Sister X and myself who met on a bit of a dubious weather day for a stomp around Tiptree Heath. We practically had the place to ourselves and, luckily, did not encounter the evil pony that tried to ‘kill’ myself, Sister Y and our offspring last time we were there (slight exaggeration but it did charge at us and the children do like to dramatize things!). I think the ponies are possibly only in residence from April so a bit early in the year to see them roaming free which is actually a lovely sight to behold. If you do take a buggy on the heath, especially in inclement weather, make sure it’s of the sturdy variety – I took my old, beaten up Baby Jogger which I was very thankful for over the bumpy, uneven, muddy paths.

We had lovely walk, discussing the merits of World Book Day and airing our grievances at the parents who basically can’t be bothered to make any effort and just order an outfit from Amazon and then moan about the cost! Jeez, people, it’s not hard or expensive if you put a little time and effort in – and it really can be minimal effort, let’s face it. Send them in pyjamas as one of the kids from The Midnight Gang; put your daughter in a dress and give her a book to carry – Matilda. It really does not require the buying of some mass produced nylon costume for £20 on Prime. Rant over, let’s move on to the cake . . .

The Woodlands Tea Room (or it may possibly be Forget Me Not Tea Rooms now – the sign says the former, the menu says the latter and I forgot to confirm with the ladies behind the counter) is attached to Tom’s Farm Shop on the B1022 between Great Totham and Tiptree Heath. It is a lovely, homey, bright space and the staff are quite friendly and accommodating. I didn’t need the buggy as we had to drive from the heath – it’s just short of a mile along the main road – but there would be plenty of room for one if needed. They had highchairs and even provide a little paper bib which was a nice touch.

WP_20190307_11_23_38_Pro — Another ‘half way through’ photo!

I had lemon drizzle and Sister X went for the ginger cake. Mine was really yummy and my discerning companion also enjoyed hers – not enormous slices but plenty considering I’m supposed to be watching the old waistline. We also rather liked that the milk was served in mini churns – cute! £3 for the cake and £1.50 for a pot of tea so pretty reasonable. We will definitely return with our third member – she’s much better at photographing the goods!

No. 9 – Wyvale

My 20 year old self would have firmly believed that tell-tale sign of middle age is acquiring a Wyvale Garden Centre loyalty card. We of the Sisterhood all have such a thing in our possession. However, I would protest that the only reason I got one was because it entitles the children to use the soft play for 50p less than the non-member price – and Sister Y suggested it!! (we used to frequent the Wyvale at Stanway regularly when our little ones were of pre-school age). Anyway, it did come in very handy this week when we all got our weekly/monthly? email containing all the current offers. Obviously, the ones about actual gardening are of no interest (pah!) but the one that declares ‘FREE hot beverage with any slice of cake’ is a sure fire winner. How could we possibly resist such enticement? So off to Stanway Wyvale we went. I did not require the buggy but it is a big, open café and there would have been room for it if necessary. They have lots of high chairs but never enough staff at this place. There is always a long queue of retired folk and frazzled looking mums waiting patiently for one woman to take orders, make all the hot drinks and take payment single handed – despite the fact that there are two tills.

I went for a Victoria Sponge and the sisters both opted for a Chocolate Orange Drizzle Cake. Mine was a little on the dry side (I think it must have been a few days old) but very tasty nonetheless. The orange cake was apparently very scrummy – not a crumb remained on either plate!

So, I reckon, discounted ‘member’ price taken into account, about a 7/10 for Wyvale. The soft play is great for little ones and, whilst being in the café, it is shut off so not a disturbance for other customers but mums can enjoy a drink in semi peace knowing that the children are safe and visible through the windows. And they have an outlet of The Works (love it!) which we always end up spending loads of money in. But they need to rethink the staff ratios and till operating system. Shame there’s nowhere to walk nearby as all our trousers are getting a little tight now – we really must put more effort to finding some new places with exercise opportunities!

Until next time x

No. 8 – Perrywoods and Christmas Cheer!

Twas just myself and Sister X this week as Sister Y’s youngest had received a visit from ‘The Chunder Monster’ so she was housebound, clearing up vomit and watching daytime tv – ah, the joys of motherhood! Another chilly, damp day so we decided to go to Perrywoods Garden Centre, just outside Tiptree, for a squiz at their Christmas decorations (they have some beautiful things) and to try their cakes as I have recently been told that they are pretty delicious.

We were slightly perturbed by the enormous queue heading into the tea room but quickly realised that they were all after ‘proper’ food and that there is a separate counter for cakes, which was a bonus as there was nobody waiting at it. We were practically drooling at the sight of the delicious looking cakes that awaited us but looked at each other in horror when we saw the price – £5.29!! For a slice of cake. Seriously?! We decided there must have been gold leaf in it to warrant that price tag. Luckily, there were lots of other yummy offerings at far more sensible prices. I had a Christmas Tree Brownie and Sister X went for a Gingerbread Scone, which she said was incredibly nice. Mine was also scrumptious and very pretty to boot. £4.75 with a cup of tea …. think they might possibly be a threat to the Wilkin & Sons ‘best cake’ crown!

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The tea room is huge, plenty of space for the buggy and loads of tables. It is set out in several sections though, so it still feels quite cosy. The staff were lovely – a very nice lady carried my tray for me and, when I went to sit at a table for two, she kindly suggested that I choose a bigger table so that we would have more room and then scooted off to get a high chair for us.

We were building up to our Christmas plays at school this week and so had been frantically making or throwing together shepherd/donkey/sheep/camel costumes for our little ones to look super cute in. It’s such a shame that so many parents just go online and order some generic costume these days. I know people are busy and pressed for time but the homemade outfits are so much more special and full of character. One of our school mums got a white chenille bath mat and cut a hole in the middle for her son’s head – voila! sheep outfit – how clever! And I do love to see a child wearing their dad’s old shirt with a tea towel on their head, it just kicks the festive season off for me! Merry Christmas, cake lovers xx

No. 6 – Hylands Park & playground politics!

Time for Sister X to have a spiffing idea this week: Hylands Park. A fabulous, free public space in Chelmsford, home of the Rize Festival (formerly ‘V’) where you can park for free, walk your dog, take a stroll around the delightful Pleasure Gardens, feed ducks on the pond, check out the awesome Adventure Castle playground, book in to Forest School, visit The Stables Café and artist studios and, of course, take a tour (or even get married) at Hylands House itself. There are two entrances – the house entrance, off the A414, or the park entrance on Greenbury Way.

We had a good old walk around the parkland. In fact, I’d go so far as to say we were marching at one point – we’re definitely getting better at the exercise element, especially seeing as my current buggy is not an all terrain model! Sister Y was in need of some love today as she’d had a big mummy fail on the school run when she realised she’d forgotten Non-Uniform Day! Seriously, who holds a non-uniform day on a Thursday? I think it’s a fairly acceptable mistake – these schools should really stick with protocol and not throw these curve balls at us. Life is complicated enough, people!!

Anyway, Sister Y duly consoled, the topic of conversation moved on to that school mum. You know – the one you can’t stand that everyone else seems to love? We all know someone like that. At least, we of the Sisterhood do and, bearing in mind our children all go to different schools, there are at least three of them currently in existence in Essex. My personal grudge with that mum began with a party invitation. Oh the stresses and politics of primary school birthday parties! Let’s just say that there are ways of inviting children to parties so that the all the children (and parents) who aren’t invited won’t know about it and therefore won’t feel excluded and upset. Handing out very conspicuous, hot pink, A5 pieces of card and posting on the year group parent’s Facebook page is not one of them! Enough said.

After our invigorating walk and respective rants about these awful women (we do try hard to maintain solidarity with the rest of womankind but some of them make it very difficult!) we were more than ready for cake at The Stables, a self service – i.e. you can very carefully eye up the cake slices and pick the ever so slightly larger one! – café in a sweet little courtyard. Of course, being a new joint, I had to check out their carrot cake which was gluten free and, with a pot of tea which easily gave 2 cups, came to £4.75. A little dingy in the farthest corners but lots of space for the buggy and plenty of high chairs for the teeny tot who happily enjoyed spreading a malted milk biscuit all over herself whilst we tucked in. The Sisters both went for coffee and walnut which they heartily enjoyed. We were all in agreement though – Wilkin & Sons do definitely have the edge on the cakes so far.

WP_20181115_11_21_13_Pro — I really will try to get a photo of a whole piece of cake next time!

No. 5 – Cressing Temple & Kum Ba Yah

Sister Y had the spiffing idea of heading to Cressing Temple this week. Again, somewhere we have been with the kids several times. We have done a few Halloween Spooky Fun days which we’ve always enjoyed on the whole (I say on the whole as we cannot lie – there is a fairly dire puppet show which Sister Y and I have endured on more than one occasion. We think the puppeteer must be a relative of the organisers – either that or he does it for free … you have been warned!) and I have taken mine to the Christmas/Santa one which was fab but we have never thought to just go at any other time. In fact, I didn’t even know you could go on non-event days but it’s completely free to visit and wander around – okay, it might not be the most exciting place if you’re not into the history of the region and ancient farm machinery but the barns and buildings are very impressive and the Tudor walled garden is lovely – the whole place has a very serene quality. They also sell their own organic honey and beeswax candles and, on this occasion, had lots of pumpkins going begging for a voluntary donation. We have always given the café a swerve because it has been absolutely rammed on the event days so this was a good opportunity to check it out.

The Barns is another owned by Wilkin & Sons. Personally, whilst I prefer the setting of the Heybridge Basin site, I preferred the tea room itself and thought that the staff were friendlier. It is quite large and bright and was easy to manoeuvre the buggy around. Having said that, there was only one other table occupied on what was a very rainy, grey day. However, they were doing a fantastic offer of tea/coffee and either chocolate fudge cake (yes please!!) or fruit cake for £3.95 – very reasonable. The Sisters both went for the fruit cake, which they said was yummy. I could not knowingly refuse chocolate fudge cake and we all tucked in with relish, so much so that we had gobbled half of it before we remembered to take a photo.

IMG-20181111-WA0001[1] — Even Sister Y forgot the obligatory ‘taunt’ photo before tucking in!

This week we were catching up after Half Term so their were lots of tales to be told of family holidays. Let’s just say that the lesson here my friends is to be careful what you wish for. I’m always rather envious when others say that they are going away on big family get togethers i.e. grandparents, siblings, cousins etc all sharing a lovely old cottage somewhere, all mucking in and participating in quality family time. However, it transpires that it may not always be the joyous, relaxing, bonding experience one had hoped for. Not so much Kum Ba Yah and gathering round the log burner in a warm, fuzzy glow of family harmony as Baby Shark on repeat, sniping and simmering sibling tensions … oo-er … who needs Eastenders, hey?!

Being back on the school run also led us to be lamenting the frustrations of getting the children ready on time in the mornings and we hit upon a fantastic idea. You know how, in Islamic countries, they have the call to prayer? We were thinking, ‘call to school’! A great idea, no? It would save hundreds and thousands of parents from losing the plot every morning after having asked for shoes and coats to be put on 5 times only to find their children still wandering around the hallway, shoeless and coatless, in a daze trying to make the highly important decision of which toy to take for break time. The commanding voice of their Headmistress/Headmaster over a tannoy at 8:30am would surely galvanise them into action …. maybe … We can but dream, cake lovers! xx

No. 4 – Reservoirs & Revelations!

We have actually been to Abberton many a time before with all the children but have never really explored as all they have ever wanted to do is picnic (they do love their food, our lot) and go on the climbing equipment and we have never had the heart to insist that they drag their little limbs around the whole site. Okay, that may be a partial lie – we have probably just wanted an easy life and couldn’t be doing with the inevitable moaning that would have accompanied leaving the adventure playground! We have also never purchased anything from the café, bar the odd ice cream, so thought it would be nice to sample their bakes! It’s free to park, completely buggy-able and they just ask for a, I believe, voluntary donation for the Essex Wildlife Trust.

As always, it was pretty windy but the sun was shining so it was a coat on/coat off kind of a walk. We tried to check out one of the hides but there was a “twitcher” in situ and we thought he probably wouldn’t really appreciate our wittering on whilst he was trying to .. twitch?! (Why are they called twitchers? Answers on a postcard.) We continued walking and our chat turned to the subject of Sister X’s workmen, currently doing some renovations for her, and the fact that they were rather ‘Diet Coke break’ easy on the eye. Unfortunately, after much merriment on the subject we came to the rather sobering realisation that they were probably young enough that we were actually, possibly – biologically at least – old enough to be their mothers! Oh the shame …. the shock when you realise, suddenly, that you aren’t 21 anymore! Clearly, it was time for emergency cake!!

Today, I went for one of my staple choices (not risking going rogue again after the disappointing lemon cake last week, oh no!) – carrot cake. £4.55 for a slice and a cuppa. I can’t actually remember what the other two had but, having studied the photo it looks as though Sister X had some kind of chocolate-crunch-cakey-flapjacky type of thing and Sister Y? I’m going with either orange or ginger. Apologies, I must pay more attention or possibly take notes – this is the main purpose of the blog, after all! Anyway, ‘dry’ is the adjective that sprung from their lips when I asked what they thought and I’m afraid I have to agree. Mine was also a bit warm and the frosting was melting. So not great cake but a lovely, light and airy café with lots of space between tables and views out over the reservoir.

WP_20181018_11_19_45_Pro — It looked nice!

We were actually there for quite some time – the conversation turning to the perfect subject to pair with cake: our children’s personal hygiene habits. I will not reveal which of our children was the source of the hilarity to save embarrassment but one of us discovered with horror that the face cloth we happily cleanse our pores with on a daily basis also has a second use. Imagine the delightful family morning bathroom scene if you will . . . Mummy, upon finishing her facial cleansing routine, places her cloth on the side of the sink and busies herself with her next ablution. In wanders a certain offspring, picks up the cloth and begins enthusiastically cleaning a particular part of his anatomy with it. ‘Oh no darling, that’s my cloth. I use it on my face.’ He smiles, ‘I know Mummy. I use it every day too!’ And with that information, cake lovers, I leave you ……!

The Second One: Danbury and dodgy directions!

Our travels took us to Danbury today, for a wander around the Common (free parking in the National Trust car park – we don’t like to pay for parking!!) and then on to Hudson’s Café – part of the Mission Church on the Maldon Road. It was all going so well; Sister X was early – again! I have told her I find this slightly unnerving after 7 years of her always being slightly tardy. Sister Y actually managed to find the car park (none of us are particularly blessed with fantastic senses of direction – if you knew me and I told you that I was the most reliable of the three when it comes to way-finding … well, that would indicate just how bad the other two are!) ‘without hysterics’ – her own words – she is not actually of a hysterical persuasion on a daily basis but referring to a recent trip to Hylands Park which began with her questioning her competence as a road user, mother and human being – ok, I’m exaggerating somewhat but you get the gist!

So, anyway, we had a good old stroll around the common – even quite exerting ourselves at some points wrestling the buggy over tree roots and pushing uphill. My eldest offspring was accompanying us on this occasion, being off school following a minor op, so we were able to rely upon her, a KS1 pupil, to ensure we did not get lost (we weren’t overly confident that, had she not been with us, we wouldn’t still be wandering aimlessly through woodland and heathland several hours later in Blair Witch style panic). After half an hour or so we decided that it was high time for cake and so returned to the car park. We discussed the location of the church, with me assuring the others that it was just ‘right and right again’. Sister X confidently declared that she had it down and that it was in her Sat Nav anyway so no need to worry. At this point Sister Y foolishly decided that she would follow her and so they tootled off with me bringing up the rear. Off they went up the road, straight past the right turn that I had suggested. Never fear, I thought (as I checked with my seven year old that we had indeed come the right way), she has her Sat Nav on so it must just be taking them a different route. We duly arrived at the church a few minutes later having indeed turned right and right again but there was no sign of X or Y. Five minutes later, they pulled into the car park, grinning sheepishly and giggling at Sister X’s misguided notion that she would actually be able to trail blaze successfully (even with the use of a Sat Nav). I still can’t quite fathom where they went but the main thing was that they had made it and it was time for cake!!

The Mission Church is a very modern building and actually looks nothing like a church – lots of glass, wood flooring and carpet. Hudson’s is separated from the congregation by glass panels and is quite spacious with a mix of dining chairs, tub chairs and sofas. Plenty of space for the buggy without it being in the way and they even have a little area with some baby toys, books etc which is a lovely idea. The hot chocolate was tasty – £2.40 for a normal sized mug without any extras so not as cheap as you might expect from a café linked to a church, especially as I believe it is run by volunteers – and the cakes were good. Sister X had a ginger cake which she said was nicer than she thought it would be (ha ha!) and Sister Y had Lemon and Blueberry cake. I shared some sort of Malteser-cake/flapjacky thing with my eldest which was very yummy and only £1.50 so quite reasonable.

We are lucky that Sister Y persistently relishes taunting workmates/husband as I forgot to take a photo yet again!

The general consensus was that we would definitely return – it was really clean and bright and they even had boxes of tissues in the toilets (I’m easily pleased!). Sadly though, the Sisterhood were obviously not radiating enough divine energy during our visit as we weren’t offered any kind of holy-fellowship/kindred spirit discount – outrageous!!

Until next time, cake lovers xx

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